First off its been waaaaaay too long guys and my deepest apologies. After emails and friends pushing me to get back to writing here we are. I hope you like the new site, upgrades and new domain: http://www.montrellwrites.com
To the topic…
Im pretty sure you’ve heard it, seen it written, and regretted even asking someone their new years resolution. They’re either over weight, have a drinking problem or addicted to hot pockets and want to change that habit or problem for the new year. The truth is they’ve had that problem for years and use every excuse to keep doing it. The other day I was having lunch with a good friend of mine and he was telling me that he wanted to change something for the new year. Todd was an old friend from school and had been married for about 2 years now. The thing about Todd is his wife was a virgin before they got married ( So she says) and Todd thought that was the most sexiest thing ever at the time. Although I swore to Todd I’ve seen her at numerous frat parties passed out and encountered her on several occasions taking the “Walk of Shame” from a DT Bar managers Apt 3 times a week he didn’t believe me. Anyway, Todd wanted to do something special for the new year, spice up their sex life. When Todd told me this my first response was you guys are already where you have to spice it up?!? ” She’s like the Oprah of Sex” he says LOL. Now don’t get me wrong readers, Sex is important in any relationship but sometimes there are signs if you need to spice things up early, We’ll talk about that some other time.
Back to Todd..
Todd had an idea that he would take a trip to Amsterdam with his wife to learn new “trades”. At first I was like this guy is crazy then I started to ask him if work was ok? Was his marriage going good? All because his idea sounded like the dumbest idea ever. Ultimately he was set on it and he was making plans for the trip as we spoke. Now, there was no point to tell that story but to tell you readers that a new years resolution should be about something that needs to change in YOUR personal life. Todd’s my boy but sometimes the sign may not be the spark but may be another matter. Every year people start that New year New me BS and it never changes. Goals, strategies, faith in what you want to do year in and year out is what your mind should be set on. Another thing, don’t try to push or convince someone of what you think their goals should be. If you’re in a relationship, mutual goals is ok but be more focused on self goals first. My grandmother always said if you can’t fix things in your own life don’t expect to fix things in a relationship with someone. Often times we view temporary things in our life that doesn’t require that much attention but we get so set in our ways and so caught up that we lose focus of the BIGGER picture. In the long run, what you change about yourself now, everyday and work on that will ultimately top what you do just for a year. Be a Long term change, not a Short term change for the good. Every year should be a mild cleanup from what you’ve already accomplished.
Until next time, make this year a good year and stay away from….Never-mind.
Ive been working on this post for a while. Ive interviewed a professor, some friends of both sexes and the things I’m about to share with you about hooking up with a friend will amaze you. Sometimes things happen, Your single, they’re single and with intentions with the right moment, it just happens.
I talked to a good friend of mine over lunch the other day to pick his brain knowing he’s been in this situation. Chris was telling me hooking up with a single female friend when you are single can be an ongoing thing. When he was in college he had a female friend and they were great around each other. At one point they both were in relationships but their significant others understood the friendship and it was just that…Afterwards was whole different story. Chris went back to tell a story where he said they both were in ” Slumps” and somehow it came up in a conversation and it became a regular thing until-She caught feelings. Unfortunately things became so awkward they eventually avoided each other for life.
Now Sarah, one of my good female friends ( No we never hooked up) told me about one of her friends and the level it went too. Sarah was friends with a guy she met while interning for a few years after college. She said one day it just happened and they both explained it wouldn’t go past the sex. Shortly after a few times Sarah noticed the jealousy phase when she would go out with other guys or guys would inquire to him about her. She saw the Red flags but kept blowing it off. Sarah is now married and her and the guy are still friends. If you’re wondering, Her husband knows.
To me and honestly having been around people in the situation the outcomes are pretty much the same. The friend gets attached or strung and eventually want more. Can you really just hook up with a friend-No! Unless you’re willing to lose that friendship and want a lifetime of awkwardness then go for it. Todd said ” If the two are single, If the curiosity is there, go for it. But the two people involved just have to be mature enough to handle what comes after. Be it Good or bad.” Could you categorize a friend as a friend with benefits? I guess if it becomes a regular thing, but what kind of person does that make you in the eyes of others? Fast, No Standards? So many ways to take this topic which makes it tricky. A Michigan State study found that 10 percent of Friends with benefits arrangements ends in real romantic relationships. But thats not all-26 percent of Friends with benefits actually ended in a wrecked relationship, So 74 percent of Friends with Benefits relationships DONT destroy the friendship. Most people that enter the Friends with benefits or hook up with a friend dont want a relationship but have sexual needs. So they figure by sleeping or hooking up with a friend its safer than hooking up with a stranger.
Ultimately, if you hook up with a friend or become Friends with Benefits its doomed for a downfall. One of you two will want more or will at some point so if thats the case just make it clear. Now if you’re one that doesn’t want things to upgrade and the other doesn’t as well, then you may have something…for now.
Until next time, Don’t bang your friends…