New Year, New Me BS

 

 

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First off its been waaaaaay too long guys and my deepest apologies. After emails and friends pushing me to get back to writing here we are. I hope you like the new site, upgrades and new domain: http://www.montrellwrites.com 

Now….

To the topic…

Im pretty sure you’ve heard it, seen it written, and regretted even asking someone their new years resolution. They’re either over weight, have a drinking problem or addicted to hot pockets and want to change that habit or problem for the new year. The truth is they’ve had that problem for years and use every excuse to keep doing it. The other day I was having lunch with a good friend of mine and he was telling me that he wanted to change something for the new year. Todd was an old friend from school and had been married for about 2 years now. The thing about Todd is his wife was a virgin before they got married ( So she says) and Todd thought that was the most sexiest thing ever at the time. Although I swore to Todd I’ve seen her at numerous frat parties passed out and encountered her on several occasions taking the “Walk of Shame” from a DT Bar managers Apt 3 times a week he didn’t believe me. Anyway, Todd wanted to do something special for the new year, spice up their sex life. When Todd told me this my first response was you guys are already where you have to spice it up?!? ” She’s like the Oprah of Sex” he says LOL. Now don’t get me wrong readers, Sex is important in any relationship but sometimes there are signs if you need to spice things up early, We’ll talk about that some other time.

Back to Todd..

Todd had an idea that he would take a trip to Amsterdam with his wife to learn new “trades”. At first I was like this guy is crazy then I started to ask him if work was ok? Was his marriage going good? All because his idea sounded like the dumbest idea ever. Ultimately he was set on it and he was making plans for the trip as we spoke. Now, there was no point to tell that story but to tell you readers that a new years resolution should be about something that needs to change in YOUR personal life. Todd’s my boy but sometimes the sign may not be the spark but may be another matter. Every year people start that New year New me BS and it never changes. Goals, strategies, faith in what you want to do year in and year out is what your mind should be set on. Another thing, don’t try to push or convince someone of what you think their goals should be. If you’re in a relationship, mutual goals is ok but be more focused on self goals first. My grandmother always said if you can’t fix things in your own life don’t expect to fix things in a relationship with someone. Often times we view temporary things in our life that doesn’t require that much attention but we get so set in our ways and so caught up that we lose focus of the BIGGER picture. In the long run, what you change about yourself now, everyday and work on that will ultimately top what you do just for a year. Be a Long term change, not a Short term change for the good. Every year should be a mild cleanup from what you’ve already accomplished.

 

Until next time, make this year a good year and stay away from….Never-mind.

 

-Trell

 

Hook and Sink ( Friends that Hook-up)

Ive been working on this post for a while. Ive interviewed a professor, some friends of both sexes and the things I’m about to share with you about hooking up with a friend will amaze you. Sometimes things happen, Your single, they’re single and with intentions with the right moment, it just happens.

I talked to a good friend of mine over lunch the other day to pick his brain knowing he’s been in this situation. Chris was telling me hooking up with a single female friend when you are single can be an ongoing thing. When he was in college he had a female friend and they were great around each other. At one point they both were in relationships but their significant others understood the friendship and it was just that…Afterwards was whole different story. Chris went back to tell a story where he said they both were in ” Slumps” and  somehow it came up in a conversation and it became a regular thing until-She caught feelings. Unfortunately things became so awkward they eventually avoided each other for life.

Now Sarah, one of my good female friends ( No we never hooked up) told me about one of her friends and the level it went too. Sarah was friends with a guy she met while interning for a few years after college. She said one day it just happened and they both explained it wouldn’t go past the sex. Shortly after a few times Sarah noticed the jealousy phase when she would go out with other guys or guys would inquire to him about her. She saw the Red flags but kept blowing it off. Sarah is now married and her and the guy are still friends. If you’re wondering, Her husband knows.

To me and honestly having been around people in the situation the outcomes are pretty much the same. The friend gets attached or strung and eventually want more. Can you really just hook up with a friend-No! Unless you’re willing to lose that friendship and want a lifetime of awkwardness then go for it. Todd said ” If the two are single, If the curiosity is there, go for it. But the two people involved just have to be mature enough to handle what comes after. Be it Good or bad.” Could you categorize a friend as a friend with benefits? I guess if it becomes a regular thing, but what kind of person does that make you in the eyes of others? Fast, No Standards? So many ways to take  this topic which makes it tricky. A Michigan State study found that 10 percent of Friends with benefits arrangements ends in real romantic relationships. But thats not all-26 percent of Friends with benefits actually ended in a wrecked relationship, So 74 percent of Friends with Benefits relationships DONT destroy the friendship. Most people that enter the Friends with benefits or hook up with a friend dont want a relationship but have sexual needs. So they figure by sleeping or hooking up with a friend its safer than hooking up with a stranger.

Ultimately, if  you hook up with a friend or become Friends with Benefits its doomed for a downfall. One of you two will want more or will at some point so if thats the case just make it clear. Now if you’re one that doesn’t want things to upgrade and the other doesn’t as well, then you may have something…for now.

 

Until next time, Don’t bang your friends…

– Trell

The Art of Conversation

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What happened to a genuine conversation? What happened to game being spit instead of jumping straight into intentions? What happened to” Hows your day” instead of “What are you doing?”  So many questions so little time but just know conversation has taken a fall. 

Often times you encounter individuals ( such as myself) who has the knack for conversation. They can talk to any and everybody, even a stranger on the street. They can make a person feel at ease and walk away from the conversation making the person feel like they’ve known them for years. The art of conversation is a skill that all can have and become competent. Conversation is a flow, whether its in a text or face to face. For example, Some hate when people send a straight text of What are you doing especially if it’s the first text. Nothing can be more frustrating besides the no response at all when you know they have their phone-especially if that person has the phone consistently whenever you’re around them. What are you doing says i’m really not interested in conversation, I just want to ask questions, get answers, then the conversation dies down to a mediocre state. Now, lets get to the fun part-At the bar it seems the conversation has died. You meet a girl or guy, the clock is ticking so your game has got to be on point. You eye them, get that 10 sec confirmation then its on…

*Pause* 

This is where conversing has died. More people are intent on closing then actually having the conversation. Now dont get me wrong, you do have some that are “Easy” referring to Courting an individual so the conversation really doesn’t have to take long, just a few lines. Then you have those who are ” Adventurous” also referring to courting an individual,  All about fun and for some into the group thing, so that may take a few more lines than the last. Then you have the girl or guy that if your game, conversation isn’t in tact you dont stand a chance. A friend of mine, known him for years used to ask me what was the requirements for a good conversation and I had to break it down for him like I am for you:  

1. Listen and Respond 

Avoid making it about you, and more about them, getting to know them after all is what its about.

2. Come to an interest

Not all people can find a common interest, but if you do run with it. 

3. Listener 

Simply put, Tailor the conversation to the individual. Don’t talk about ” Sex, Politics or Religion” Know the rules

4. Take your turn

Conversation is a joint project, be patient, dont let a foot-in-mouth occasion happen. You rant about the war but just remembered your best friends brother just came back from Iraq. 

5. Think 

Golden rule, Think before you speak. 

6. Don’t over Share

Speaks for itself, No one wants to know you have a fetish for the tooth fairy. 

 

The most important thing in the Art is being natural. As with most matters of etiquette and being social, once you grab hold of the rules, let it flow. Remember you dont have to be full of charm but when you connect with someone through conversation, nine times out of ten you gained a new friend. One last rule, stay away from the easy individuals-unless it’s your thing.  

 

Until next time 

Take care of yourself and each other

-Trell 

 

Why she chooses the Ass-Hole and why he chooses the Crazy Chick

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Have you ever been chased in a car at 3am coming from an outing with your friends by a girlfriend? Or have you ever had a boyfriend use you and use you but you still love him? I have been in the first situation and I know many people who have been in smiler situations- and it all goes back to what the Hell we were thinking. Ive learned that most people look for short-term partners, whether its sexual or a companionship which leads to a sexual companionship. At this point when determining the short term relationship you look and prefer someone sexy and attractive that you really dont know how they will turn out to be. Ive talked to a few girls because this is a very touchy topic and I was curious to what some were thinking when “picking” the guy. “He had the looks, confidence, not your average looking guy and he was sexy as F***. I noticed once he got comfortable around me he asked me for favors, and favors and eventually I fell for it every single time” says Amber. Is it the Hormones of some females, is it really that most girls prefer the badass guy over the average joe or is it just the true phrase Nice guys dont stand a chance? Questions within the mind. Most studies point to the hormones, while most people say its low brain cells but either way it’s a hit and a miss. Most females like a thrill and while the badass guy will give you that and be the life of the party, can he settle down and start a family? Be the man of the house, work and provide. It will always be a mystery as to why the ” Wonderful” Woman can be into such a ” Horrible guy”. A Study says a female will allow a relationship to continue with a guy that is emotionally, mentally, or even physically abusive to her if it’s filling a need that one (or many) of her immature traits feed on. Now let me say this before moving on, Women who don’t have their act together, have major emotional or esteem issues, or are immature and/or inexperienced — are the ones most likely unable to differentiate between the traits of an asshole and a good guy. Now, women who are more mature and experienced, with high-self esteem, and feminine confidence, can spot his childish behavior miles away and won’t usually tolerate it. There I said it * Wipes forehead*

 

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In the beginning I mentioned being chased at 3am in a car with no lights on by an ex-girlfriend, true story. A Crazy female can actually be spotted fellas-it’s not that hard, you just have to look past the Vagina. If you hear a woman complain that she can only spot losers and jerks, that all the guys she’s been with have played her, that she hates drama, men are Dicks or any other negative bitter view of relationships and men — stay away — no, run for the Wall in the North. You’re not going to change her opinion by being the “Guy,” trying to show her “how good guys really are” and how “different and will treat her better”. This is no different from the woman trying to save a broken, damaged man as well ( The Asshole).  As guys you see a girl who has been damaged, She’s attractive but she’s been hurt so therefore she’s not trying to give the next guy a chance. You finally break through, She lets you in and then what? Then the  Thin line between love and hate comes out. Every move you make brings about questions, She doesn’t trust you and she thinks you’re just like Gerald. Now dont get me wrong, you aren’t but she doesn’t believe that. Run, again Run. Females love easily and deeply and as a guy they expect us to be just as genuine as they are.

Don’t ever let other’s fears dictate your happiness 

So in closing Why do women continue to date the asshole? 

The answer, I asked a good friend of mine and she said simply ” They Ask”

Some good guys are quiet, laid-back and scared to ask a woman out or even for a her number. The Asshole without any skill is very aggressive, and just goes for it. He makes his presence and intentions known without any hesitations.

Now as for the Crazy Girls 

No answer-Just Run, think with your head not your other head.

Until next time, take care of yourself and each other,

-Trell

 

10 Things Guys like on Girls…

 

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Every Guy has their preference on what they like in a girl or their significant other. But what happens when you ask a guy the question  What are some things they like on a girl. I took the question and ran the streets of…Ok I didn’t go anywhere but I took a survey of some of my close friends, random guys at the gym and the Pizza guy Keefer, Thanks for the pie. The Results I got back were incredible, Brace yourselves.

 

10.  Nothing 

Sometimes Bare is better, although if you’re in public you should be careful.

 

9. Jersey of his favorite team or his favorite shirt 

Simple, Come out with his Kobe jersey on or whatever sport he watches and the jersey just may be off before Tip-off.

 

8. Lingerie 

Who doesn’t like or love it, especially when it compliments her figure. * Bites Finger*

 

7. Hair-up/Pony Tails 

This one was a surprise to me. I was really shocked at how many guys found this to be attractive, although the Pony tails would give…next.

 

6. Just the right amount of makeup

I dated a girl in High School who wore tons and tons of makeup. She Drew her eyebrows, eyes, nose, drew it all in. I never understood it. When a girl has not too much, but just the right amount of make up its cute and attractive. Some girls look like straight clowns.

 

5. Sundress 

Shows the figure but in a respectable way. Classy not trashy is the saying…right?

 

4. Reading Glasses

The is one of my personal favorites. She takes her contacts out, and throws the reading glasses on. Its Saturday and therefore you get a whole day of the glasses. According to a lot of guys its a turn on. So keep living those fantasies Fellas.

 

3. Mens Button Down 

This is another one of my favorites, Nothing like seeing the misses in one of your button down dress shirts……Let that sink in.

 

2. Boy Shorts

Although some guys still live in the Thong Song World, Boy shorts has taken over. I think it’s the way the shorts compliment the figure..I think I used that line earlier but it’s the truth, more girls are rolling with the Cheeks, I mean boy shorts.

 

1.  Yoga Pants 

The Holy Grail of clothing and mans favorite go to item when she says she has nothing to wear. The sad truth is that even girls that dont have a figure can get away with yoga pants..Now think of the girls that do have one. You’re Welcome.

 

Happy Fathers Day Lol

 

Until next time,

Take care of yourself and each other

-Trell

Time….to settle down

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Growing up I used to tell myself that I would never get married. I used to make bets with my friends as to who would get married first, and of course everyone would push it off. I used to say the only way I would get married is if Jennifer Lopez showed up at my door one night ( I still leave the door open for her every night). The bible says in Proverbs 18: 22 ” He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” This is true because well it’s Wedding Season and although i’ll be attending quite a few this year some of my friends that are getting hitched were the last ones I expected too. Heres the thing, Weddings are great, besides the free food and free booze it’s a time of celebration, it’s a time of rejoicing, and it’s a time to be happy for two people embarking on a lifelong journey together.

Now..

You meet a girl but when do you know she’s the right one? You met a guy, when does he meet the parents?

These are the “Down the Road” questions to the moment when you think that person is the One. Ladies and Gents when is it time to settle down? When is it time to stop hooking up with Julie downstairs and when is it time to stop blowing Josh at the Tattoo Parlor……The Answer? When you find yourself constantly thinking about your significant other and when your dreams are finally a reality. Settling down is in no way easy, you deal with people doubting you and your relationship, but you do have some that are supportive. You deal with each others past and most importantly the “Worry.” Sometimes you may think what if this and what if that, but you can’t. Readers I will tell you everything happens for a reason and sometimes we may never know why; but I tell you embrace it, if its time and you feel your ready to settle down do it because we only have one soulmate. Love and Lust are two different things and you have to differentiate the two before you decide on settling down with that person. Lastly let me say this, You will worry and you will lose your mind at times and sometimes you will look at the past, but in order for you to be with your significant other and focus on the life ahead you can’t think back and you can’t worry as much. Focus on the present, Have Hardcore sex and be happy together. If she or he completes you and after every obstacle you’ve ever encountered led you back to them, dont let them go.

Until next time, Take Care of yourself and Each other,

-Trell Continue reading Time….to settle down

Letting Go of the Past

Love is Strong, Love is blind, And Love is what you make it. When you find Love in someone you are taking on everything about them, everything they carry and more importantly their past. We all have a past and in that past we all carry things that we aren’t proud of whether it was a relationship gone bad, RELATIONS that we regret or basically something that made us not think at the time. I’m going to be honest to everyone right now. I’ve dealt with this situation personally and the hardest part was being rejected for a relation that to me made no-sense. At first I was angry, upset and over and over in my head was the question of How? Why? seriously? And a few other things I’m going to keep off this blog. After talking to one of my close friends I realized a lot and I want to share these thoughts with you. Everyone has their Ups and Downs whether it’s through the span of years or whatever the case. But again we all have our ups and downs and the question you have to ask yourself is can you live without your significant other. Being with someone and constantly bringing up their past will push them away. You have to say to yourself if they wanted them they would be with them, but they’re with you now so it’s obvious that’s where their heart and mind are. Now we’ve all had relations that we aren’t proud of and sometimes when they happen, they happen because we are looking around for the wrong things. Girls and Guys are both guilty of this. Some guys will tell girls whatever they want to hear to keep the girl where they want them. You can’t hold some girls accountable for believing someone and being Goodhearted. She may have been trying to see the good in someone but obviously she realized now that she was wrong especially if she’s with you now. As I grew older and started maturing I learned that youth requires some people time to grow. A buddy of mine made a good statement, he said Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear. Getting over someone past isn’t going to be easy but it’s a process and requirement in order to love that significant other unconditionally. God doesn’t make mistakes, keep your mind clear and Don’t let the past control your future. In closing Trust The Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In order for you to move forward, be happy and look past the past; you’ve got to ask God to intervene, you both do. Stay Prayed up Peeps, I am.

Until next time, take care of yourself and each other..

– Trell