New Year, New Me BS

 

 

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First off its been waaaaaay too long guys and my deepest apologies. After emails and friends pushing me to get back to writing here we are. I hope you like the new site, upgrades and new domain: http://www.montrellwrites.com 

Now….

To the topic…

Im pretty sure you’ve heard it, seen it written, and regretted even asking someone their new years resolution. They’re either over weight, have a drinking problem or addicted to hot pockets and want to change that habit or problem for the new year. The truth is they’ve had that problem for years and use every excuse to keep doing it. The other day I was having lunch with a good friend of mine and he was telling me that he wanted to change something for the new year. Todd was an old friend from school and had been married for about 2 years now. The thing about Todd is his wife was a virgin before they got married ( So she says) and Todd thought that was the most sexiest thing ever at the time. Although I swore to Todd I’ve seen her at numerous frat parties passed out and encountered her on several occasions taking the “Walk of Shame” from a DT Bar managers Apt 3 times a week he didn’t believe me. Anyway, Todd wanted to do something special for the new year, spice up their sex life. When Todd told me this my first response was you guys are already where you have to spice it up?!? ” She’s like the Oprah of Sex” he says LOL. Now don’t get me wrong readers, Sex is important in any relationship but sometimes there are signs if you need to spice things up early, We’ll talk about that some other time.

Back to Todd..

Todd had an idea that he would take a trip to Amsterdam with his wife to learn new “trades”. At first I was like this guy is crazy then I started to ask him if work was ok? Was his marriage going good? All because his idea sounded like the dumbest idea ever. Ultimately he was set on it and he was making plans for the trip as we spoke. Now, there was no point to tell that story but to tell you readers that a new years resolution should be about something that needs to change in YOUR personal life. Todd’s my boy but sometimes the sign may not be the spark but may be another matter. Every year people start that New year New me BS and it never changes. Goals, strategies, faith in what you want to do year in and year out is what your mind should be set on. Another thing, don’t try to push or convince someone of what you think their goals should be. If you’re in a relationship, mutual goals is ok but be more focused on self goals first. My grandmother always said if you can’t fix things in your own life don’t expect to fix things in a relationship with someone. Often times we view temporary things in our life that doesn’t require that much attention but we get so set in our ways and so caught up that we lose focus of the BIGGER picture. In the long run, what you change about yourself now, everyday and work on that will ultimately top what you do just for a year. Be a Long term change, not a Short term change for the good. Every year should be a mild cleanup from what you’ve already accomplished.

 

Until next time, make this year a good year and stay away from….Never-mind.

 

-Trell

 

Hook and Sink ( Friends that Hook-up)

Ive been working on this post for a while. Ive interviewed a professor, some friends of both sexes and the things I’m about to share with you about hooking up with a friend will amaze you. Sometimes things happen, Your single, they’re single and with intentions with the right moment, it just happens.

I talked to a good friend of mine over lunch the other day to pick his brain knowing he’s been in this situation. Chris was telling me hooking up with a single female friend when you are single can be an ongoing thing. When he was in college he had a female friend and they were great around each other. At one point they both were in relationships but their significant others understood the friendship and it was just that…Afterwards was whole different story. Chris went back to tell a story where he said they both were in ” Slumps” and  somehow it came up in a conversation and it became a regular thing until-She caught feelings. Unfortunately things became so awkward they eventually avoided each other for life.

Now Sarah, one of my good female friends ( No we never hooked up) told me about one of her friends and the level it went too. Sarah was friends with a guy she met while interning for a few years after college. She said one day it just happened and they both explained it wouldn’t go past the sex. Shortly after a few times Sarah noticed the jealousy phase when she would go out with other guys or guys would inquire to him about her. She saw the Red flags but kept blowing it off. Sarah is now married and her and the guy are still friends. If you’re wondering, Her husband knows.

To me and honestly having been around people in the situation the outcomes are pretty much the same. The friend gets attached or strung and eventually want more. Can you really just hook up with a friend-No! Unless you’re willing to lose that friendship and want a lifetime of awkwardness then go for it. Todd said ” If the two are single, If the curiosity is there, go for it. But the two people involved just have to be mature enough to handle what comes after. Be it Good or bad.” Could you categorize a friend as a friend with benefits? I guess if it becomes a regular thing, but what kind of person does that make you in the eyes of others? Fast, No Standards? So many ways to take  this topic which makes it tricky. A Michigan State study found that 10 percent of Friends with benefits arrangements ends in real romantic relationships. But thats not all-26 percent of Friends with benefits actually ended in a wrecked relationship, So 74 percent of Friends with Benefits relationships DONT destroy the friendship. Most people that enter the Friends with benefits or hook up with a friend dont want a relationship but have sexual needs. So they figure by sleeping or hooking up with a friend its safer than hooking up with a stranger.

Ultimately, if  you hook up with a friend or become Friends with Benefits its doomed for a downfall. One of you two will want more or will at some point so if thats the case just make it clear. Now if you’re one that doesn’t want things to upgrade and the other doesn’t as well, then you may have something…for now.

 

Until next time, Don’t bang your friends…

– Trell

The Art of Conversation

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What happened to a genuine conversation? What happened to game being spit instead of jumping straight into intentions? What happened to” Hows your day” instead of “What are you doing?”  So many questions so little time but just know conversation has taken a fall. 

Often times you encounter individuals ( such as myself) who has the knack for conversation. They can talk to any and everybody, even a stranger on the street. They can make a person feel at ease and walk away from the conversation making the person feel like they’ve known them for years. The art of conversation is a skill that all can have and become competent. Conversation is a flow, whether its in a text or face to face. For example, Some hate when people send a straight text of What are you doing especially if it’s the first text. Nothing can be more frustrating besides the no response at all when you know they have their phone-especially if that person has the phone consistently whenever you’re around them. What are you doing says i’m really not interested in conversation, I just want to ask questions, get answers, then the conversation dies down to a mediocre state. Now, lets get to the fun part-At the bar it seems the conversation has died. You meet a girl or guy, the clock is ticking so your game has got to be on point. You eye them, get that 10 sec confirmation then its on…

*Pause* 

This is where conversing has died. More people are intent on closing then actually having the conversation. Now dont get me wrong, you do have some that are “Easy” referring to Courting an individual so the conversation really doesn’t have to take long, just a few lines. Then you have those who are ” Adventurous” also referring to courting an individual,  All about fun and for some into the group thing, so that may take a few more lines than the last. Then you have the girl or guy that if your game, conversation isn’t in tact you dont stand a chance. A friend of mine, known him for years used to ask me what was the requirements for a good conversation and I had to break it down for him like I am for you:  

1. Listen and Respond 

Avoid making it about you, and more about them, getting to know them after all is what its about.

2. Come to an interest

Not all people can find a common interest, but if you do run with it. 

3. Listener 

Simply put, Tailor the conversation to the individual. Don’t talk about ” Sex, Politics or Religion” Know the rules

4. Take your turn

Conversation is a joint project, be patient, dont let a foot-in-mouth occasion happen. You rant about the war but just remembered your best friends brother just came back from Iraq. 

5. Think 

Golden rule, Think before you speak. 

6. Don’t over Share

Speaks for itself, No one wants to know you have a fetish for the tooth fairy. 

 

The most important thing in the Art is being natural. As with most matters of etiquette and being social, once you grab hold of the rules, let it flow. Remember you dont have to be full of charm but when you connect with someone through conversation, nine times out of ten you gained a new friend. One last rule, stay away from the easy individuals-unless it’s your thing.  

 

Until next time 

Take care of yourself and each other

-Trell 

 

Why she chooses the Ass-Hole and why he chooses the Crazy Chick

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Have you ever been chased in a car at 3am coming from an outing with your friends by a girlfriend? Or have you ever had a boyfriend use you and use you but you still love him? I have been in the first situation and I know many people who have been in smiler situations- and it all goes back to what the Hell we were thinking. Ive learned that most people look for short-term partners, whether its sexual or a companionship which leads to a sexual companionship. At this point when determining the short term relationship you look and prefer someone sexy and attractive that you really dont know how they will turn out to be. Ive talked to a few girls because this is a very touchy topic and I was curious to what some were thinking when “picking” the guy. “He had the looks, confidence, not your average looking guy and he was sexy as F***. I noticed once he got comfortable around me he asked me for favors, and favors and eventually I fell for it every single time” says Amber. Is it the Hormones of some females, is it really that most girls prefer the badass guy over the average joe or is it just the true phrase Nice guys dont stand a chance? Questions within the mind. Most studies point to the hormones, while most people say its low brain cells but either way it’s a hit and a miss. Most females like a thrill and while the badass guy will give you that and be the life of the party, can he settle down and start a family? Be the man of the house, work and provide. It will always be a mystery as to why the ” Wonderful” Woman can be into such a ” Horrible guy”. A Study says a female will allow a relationship to continue with a guy that is emotionally, mentally, or even physically abusive to her if it’s filling a need that one (or many) of her immature traits feed on. Now let me say this before moving on, Women who don’t have their act together, have major emotional or esteem issues, or are immature and/or inexperienced — are the ones most likely unable to differentiate between the traits of an asshole and a good guy. Now, women who are more mature and experienced, with high-self esteem, and feminine confidence, can spot his childish behavior miles away and won’t usually tolerate it. There I said it * Wipes forehead*

 

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In the beginning I mentioned being chased at 3am in a car with no lights on by an ex-girlfriend, true story. A Crazy female can actually be spotted fellas-it’s not that hard, you just have to look past the Vagina. If you hear a woman complain that she can only spot losers and jerks, that all the guys she’s been with have played her, that she hates drama, men are Dicks or any other negative bitter view of relationships and men — stay away — no, run for the Wall in the North. You’re not going to change her opinion by being the “Guy,” trying to show her “how good guys really are” and how “different and will treat her better”. This is no different from the woman trying to save a broken, damaged man as well ( The Asshole).  As guys you see a girl who has been damaged, She’s attractive but she’s been hurt so therefore she’s not trying to give the next guy a chance. You finally break through, She lets you in and then what? Then the  Thin line between love and hate comes out. Every move you make brings about questions, She doesn’t trust you and she thinks you’re just like Gerald. Now dont get me wrong, you aren’t but she doesn’t believe that. Run, again Run. Females love easily and deeply and as a guy they expect us to be just as genuine as they are.

Don’t ever let other’s fears dictate your happiness 

So in closing Why do women continue to date the asshole? 

The answer, I asked a good friend of mine and she said simply ” They Ask”

Some good guys are quiet, laid-back and scared to ask a woman out or even for a her number. The Asshole without any skill is very aggressive, and just goes for it. He makes his presence and intentions known without any hesitations.

Now as for the Crazy Girls 

No answer-Just Run, think with your head not your other head.

Until next time, take care of yourself and each other,

-Trell

 

The Word that begins with “I”

Webster dictionary defines insecurity as: not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well: nervous and uncomfortable. One of my friends defines insecurity as: A flawed and jealous person that needs to get out their feelings. What makes an individual insecure? What makes a person worry? What makes a person jealous and angry? So many questions that all point back to that one word, Insecurity.

An insecure person is usually controlling in a relationship, they get jealous and question the littlest things a person may do and believe it or not they weren’t born that way. Insecurity usually is triggered within a person who may have been hurt in the past and its sometimes people that feel they aren’t worthy of being with the person they currently have; and even sometimes its because they are guilty of other things they are doing. At onetime or another we have all been guilty of being insecure whether it was for a brief moment or currently. Jay-Z once said “Jealousy is a weak emotion” and thats true but sometimes because of a persons past they are never the same again, even if it’s going into a new relationship.

Heres a few suggestions for my insecure people:

1.Stop confusing imagination and reality ( Making stuff up and believing it is a sure way to Self-torment)

2. Give the relationship room to breathe ( When you plant a seed to grow, you give it time to develop, Give your relationship air and time to develop.)Image

3.Quit mind reading ( Quit worrying what your partner is thinking, thats a quick way to anxiety people.

4. Comparing ( Quit comparing current relationships to past relationships)

5.Focus on the Good ( Self explanatory)

If you follow these steps and add God above all, You’ll be fine but if you stay insecure your relationship just may walk out the door.

 

Until next time, take care of yourself and each other.

-Trell

 

 

What NOT to do on a first Date.

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Wow its been too long since I blogged which Isn’t like me, but  I’m back and tonight I bring you the Dont’s of a first Date. We’ve all been on first dates and we all know how to act and we all know sometimes what we expect from our date unless of course they’re a complete stranger. I’ve had a shit ton of first Dates and by far there has always been something that went wrong, usually for some reason the girl I’ve met out and about turned out to be the girl.

1. DONT talk about your exes.

I think this one is self explanatory, No one wants to hear about them, even if they…never-mind. NEXT.

2. Don’t talk about yourself.

A first Date is about getting to know the other person, Getting to know each other, NOT Brag about that New BMW you just got or how many pairs of Jordan’s you own.

3. The 3 Words I Love You

Besides asking a girl to be your girlfriend on the first Date or girls wanting a guy to be their man right away, saying I Love you will get you know where but the club looking for a freshman.

4. Don’t plan the next date after the first

Ride with it, take the first Date as is, If a second date is meant to happen it will happen; but let the first one ride first. You never want to come off too pushy, never.

5. Don’t be sloppy

This ties into Drinking, being aggressive or any of the above. Slurring words, stumbling, none of which is acceptable. This is a big No No.

6. Burp, Fart, Belch, eat with your mouth open, chew gum, spit, or pick your nose.

Smh. Any person that does any of these are out of their mind. If you want a second Date or a Good night…Do these before hand.

7. Pay Attention.

I have a friend ” YAMMERS” who told me recently he always gets caught watching ESPN on Dates especially if he’s sitting close to a TV.  Cell phones or any distractions, close them out and focus on whats in front of you…Your Date.

8. Rant

Don’t moan, rant, talk about your problems. You’re on a Date and no one wants to hear about your Baby Mama Drama or your crazy ex who brags constantly to your friends about their new man…just saying.

9. Cancel

NEVER cancel plans at the last minute, House fire, Death are acceptable things but Diarrhea is not, put on a diaper and man up or woman up Lol.

10. Good hygiene

Cleanliness, not to much perfume or cologne, clean clothes and clean shoes. Clothes don’t make the person but for this night it does.

These are just a few of my Dont’s on a first Date, I could go on forever but for right now Im stopping here.

Until next time take care of yourself and each other.

-Trell

Turn Offs

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Sorry Ladies and Gents, I know I have been away for a while but now Im back. Tonights topic of  Blog is Turn offs for Guys and for Girls. Some say there is no such thing as a turn off and that its more of standards set for the other. I personally think that turn offs is more of a what ” We” don’t like; meaning, people who have taste. Now, I have seen and know friends who will accept a person as is; even if they are not in the correct state of mind, Funny but true. Writing about Turn offs tonight I realized there are a shit load and I really don’t know where to start so I’m just going to start. Ladies, A friend of mine told me one of his biggest turn offs and I agree with him, is ugly toes on a female, its very unfeminine and just plain nasty. One thing I do pay attention too and I know at least half a dozen guys do is a girls toes. Guys, Obesity is what one girl said. Females of course likes a well kept, fit, doesn’t have to be muscular but shows that he takes care of himself. Your body should be important and maintained, Simple. Girls, A turn off for guys are females that constantly trash-talk, I mean always talking crap about co-workers, family, friends, best friends, the mail man, the bartender, it gets old and complaining just doesn’t get you anywhere.  This is only a few Turn on and Turn offs for Guys and girls, like I said in the beginning I could go on with this subject for decades but I’m going to leave it to you.

What are some other things that turn you off? Leave your comments.

Until tomorrow, Take care of yourself and each other.

-Trell